I don't wait, I always just let it go.

This might sound weird, but it's a metaphor I had in my head all night in my freezing car, and it makes perfect sense to me.

So I have this old pair of mittens, there was already a small hole in between the thumb when I got them. I bought them half off because they were ripped, but they were cute, I wanted them anyways. Even though I'd known up front they'd cause me trouble and never be enough. I guess I never counted on them to last, but they were cheap and I needed mittens. The hole just kept ripping, then the other one ripped too. I threw them in my droor and bought new mittens. I've since gone on to buy multiple mittens, I always lose them. Either I lose both all together or there's just one, and they're deemed useless with out the other half. Until I find new ones I always go back to the ripped ones, why is it that I never lose those ones? They're the only mittens I've kept for so long, and they don't even keep me warm, it's been over a year since I got them.
What I'm about to say is specifically for someone, they may or may not ever read this. He may stumble on it one night late lurking, high and bored and maybe intrigued about the stupid shit I write in here..
What I want to say is, it's not the old ripped ones that I want. They don't keep me warm, they were cute at first and now they're just falling apart. It's not him that I want. They're just always there in the back of my droor when I need to be somewhat warm, they're better than nothing at all. It's new mittens that I want, that aren't torn from the start, that keep me warm on nights like these. It's you that I want and I don't want to lose you. I know that if I try hard enough I can find the part of you I lost and you can warm my hands again. I miss you and I'm sorry. I know now that it's you that I want, not something old that I already know will never work. I'd rather take all the chances in the world on you than any chance on him. I don't know where along the way I lost you but I'm not ready to just forget about it.