Untitled from tom on Vimeo.




Untitled from Bing T on Vimeo.

In the worst kind of way

Where to go from here...

the world fell down and I just let it crash.. and you told me you never wanted it to fall, but you were there when it started to break, you watched it fall, you were gone when I had to pick up the pieces. And you claim you've been here all along. I knew you were. I knew you were.. but why didn't you answer the phone. You were never here. Dial tones and static. Leave me a wonderful and exciting message and I'll never get back to you. 

I never wanted you to know. Telling you what I never wanted to say made me listen to what I always wanted to hear. Someday things will be different, you'll see, someday I'll really leave you, but I don't want to tonight. You need me too much.

DOWNLOAD-> BRIGHTWOOD

don't tempt me.

I find comfort in discomfort. I'm used to this mess, I don't know what I'd do if things were in order and everything made sense. I'm comfortable in Jack and Andrew's dirty messy apartment, I've lived in this mess before, I would do it again. I'm an addict to addictions, caught up in being caught up.. Happy being unhappy. Life wasn't meant to be the same thing everyday, the things that stay the same are the things I keep there. Things repeat themselves because I want them repeated, because second, third, sixth chances are there, so take them. Chances are like drinks, you will only turn them down if you're sick, but once you're alright you'll gladly warm your stomach. So pour me a glass, I'm begging you to impair my judgement.

Maybe when I'm done with endings this can begin.

Last night was a punk rock show, shitty beer, and a crazy big girl named Pepper. Old things, new people, I'm trying to make myself better. I'm doing my best to start over. I've decided to throw away my judgments and stop being a hypocrite. I hate rumors and gossip and just because someone does stupid things doesn't make them stupid. I'll give it a chance. 

In honor of the punk show last night, this is the best I can do.

->Something Corporate- Punk Rock Princess

We are terrible for each other, and, yes, we are a disaster. But tell me your heart doesn't race for a hurricane or a burning building. I'd rather die terrified than live forever. 

1.8.09.

It's a shortcut to drive past your old street on the way home, and when I see your street I think I would've saved a lot of time if it just ended there on Quincey. I wonder about where we'd be if we never met, or if we met sooner. It seems things just happened the way they were supposed to, we can't control that. Life sets us up for devastation sometimes to thicken our skin, but I thought it hurt enough the first three times we walked away. The twists and turns somehow always brought me back to you and your scraggly arms, and to think I felt safe there. hah. Your denial overthrew the truth and it feels like falling feet first and breaking both my legs. All I can ask myself is why I jumped in the first place when I knew I could break. I'm okay but getting back up is hard when you feel like you'll never walk again. I still don't know if I will.. be myself again I mean.

And Madison says she's never been in love. I wish I could tell her she's lucky, that it hurts more than it doesn't, it only fills voids, and she's better off sticking to lust. But I couldn't destroy someone's hope like that. I used to have hope too, until I met you. I could list off all the reasons I hate you and publicly humiliate you, but I leave the low blows to you, you're good at it. Go date a stripper and contract a disease or something. Talk to me in a year and tell me you made the right choice. You'll never find better, that's a promise. 

Remember this song?

->The Early November- I want to hear you sad

I could use an Ace Enders right now. 

Try something new..

->Ace Enders and A Million Different People- Reaction

->Ace Enders and A Million Different People- Red Eye

->Ace Enders and A Million Different People- Why Do You Run

->Ace Enders and A Million Different People- Motion

or

->I can make a mess like nobody's business- An oak tree stands beside a linden

->I can make a mess like nobody's business- Untitled 3

But being alone wasn't half as bad.

I never thought it possible, I think I fell in love with someone worse than me.

..and I'm getting that feeling like I don't wanna go on anymore. We are all suffering from "seasonal depression." At least we're convinced of something. It was there all along, it just takes scraping the ice of your windows to remember why it's not worth scraping off. I've drank a half bottle of gin, I've successfully battered my friendship with three of my closest, and I've let them as well as I, convince myself I am clinically insane. Remember all those people in your past that said, "you will never be happy." ? I hate laying my head down and knowing they were right, but dammit now is your chance more than ever to say, I told you so.

I will never be happy. I am a masochist in love with a narcissist and I can't quit him because I am a masochist. I'd rather be hurt than hurt anyone. 

-->Listen to Bayside

Do Yourself A Favor

-->Download the MCS Acoustic EP 

The Dear Hunter

It's ironic how I fall just to get back up again
I fixed to cure this ailing bitter agony
Maybe where the roads part you remember where we first met
So tongue and cheek with stale irony, if it pleases you it pleases me
Just an innocent call a telephone call
Just an innocent call

Now if you were in bloom I’d pluck your petals clean
Although I don’t seem low I can promise you my egos running me
Then I'd be called you were the only one that didn’t fold
But I just broke right down for you in an attempt to gain control
Maybe I'm a waste of time

-->Download album here

You were the only one that didn’t fold

This is Twice Now.

I'm tying myself to the train tracks I'm letting my friends watch me, I'm making them pull the last knot. I stare you straight in the eyes as you cut so far inside me that I lose my breath, I'm letting my friends kill me, I'm letting you hurt me. I'd only be your floor mat if my hair weren't so bright, so now I'm just your pretty head to lay asleep with at night. I don't know how you sleep so soundly with my breath on your neck because I couldn't sleep a wink, and all the pills and all the drinks they never excuse the secrets that we keep.

Messages from across the city will be the only way we convey.. and tomorrow we'll move on, but we never really move on.