Mady & The City: I can't keep on without you.

I'm conflicted. It's complicated, I don't want to change, as predicted. Maybe that last post was only kidding myself after all. I'll never give up those old mittens, after all they are the ones that are always there for me, everyone else just disappears. I'm dumb for not realizing that's what I should have learned from that metaphor. I saw it but I was naiive to the fact that I can't move on, because I wanted to so bad.

I've learned the following in the past week... it only takes a month for me to destroy my pseudo relationship with someone, but I still can't completely ruin the one with Michael after a year? I'm trying to make sense of it. I guess as much as we want to, we can't give each other up. I've tried to ruin it though, oh and believe me he does too. Distance only makes the heart grow fonder, time only makes a relationship stronger. I suppose the only way in ever ending our stupid thing would be is if one of us fell in love with someone else, but it hasn't happened. I wouldn't mind if it did for him, I only want to see him happy. I'm not in the same place I've been with him in the past. This is different, I'm not expecting a single thing from him, he is my friend, I am his. We enjoy spending time together with our friends and we share a bed sometimes, I don't expect him to want to be with me again, I just know that I'm not happy with anyone else at this point in time.. and I'm not looking. If someone wanders along, well great, but I don't have time for it. I'm putting a wall up, closing my doors. I'll give my affection to him I'll kill my free time with friends, I'm alright with it.

We're like magnets, when there's no one between us we default to each other.