Mady & The City: Cheap Shots, Low Blows.

Last Saturday... came the ultimate crash. Fuck adderal, I mean I love adderal. Which is it?

I slept in Michael's bed until I couldn't keep my eyes closed anymore. Until we realized it was far past afternoon. I went home and tried to shower off the hang over the pills that were still running through me, I didn't want to go to work at the bar, I knew it was going to be bad. I couldn't tell if that gut feeling was the hang over or the truth.

I got there, and of course the second I get there Joe is on my ass, just can't do anything right. I had that feeling I always get when he yells at me, that feeling like I am 15 again, with out a car, stuck in a small town, and my dads yelling at me about something I have no control over. Except, I'm 20 now, my relationship with my dad is fine, I'm happy, so it's just him that brings all that bullshit back. That was it, it was not the night to make me feel like dirt, I snapped. I talked back, I would have got grounded, but I quit instead. I walked out with my head high.... until I got to my car.

I think sometimes that's just the way it goes, and you have to look at yourself in the mirror and say, this was the right thing to do. I couldn't work for someone like him for one more day, one more hour, or minute, I did what I needed to do. It's been making me miserable for months. No amount of money is worth that, especially considering I wasn't making much money anyway. Where does that leave me? With no money, one job that never schedules me, it leaves me completely FUCKED. But at least I have my pride.

I basically spent the next two days a mess curled up in Mike's bed, the only place I didn't feel like everything was falling down on me. The only person that didn't make me want to scream, that didn't want to talk about it, or talk about drama, that didn't need to say anything to make everything fine. That's why I like him. I haven't spoken to him much or seen him around the last few days and it's really got me down. He's crammed with papers and tests, all leading up to finals. If I have learned anything in this never ending pseudo-relationship, it's to leave him alone during finals. I'm enough of a distraction when I'm in his bed at 8am and he is supposed to be leaving for class and he chooses not to.

Onward, this week has been miserable, and now it's the weekend. Besides spending my Thursday night drinking wine in a Hilton hot tub with Madison. That was great, see picture below. Tonight was supposed to be good, but the snow kept me in.. I'm hoping for a late start. I'll make the most of my Saturday night.