Thursday, April 9, 2009

the death of me

Everytime I seem to tell myself 'I've never felt so lost..' I always seem to top it the next year. As much as I love being a lost soul, sometimes I just want to feel found.
I can't wait until it gets warmer out, everything seems better when the sun shines. Even if it isn't. Margot is coming home next month, I guess that's the one thing I have to look forward to. And Joe gets home tomorrow, I'm excited about that. He's truly one of the few genuine people I know.
I've been emailing a lot with my step-ex-grandma (yea wrap your head around that) from San Diego. She's always been a push my whole life to do things right, so far I've done everything wrong. She wants to help me out, that's nice because my parents really don't give a shit about me anymore. If I can't pull my act together by summer I'm going to move with her. It won't be for my happiness, I love minneapolis, it will be to get my life in line. I know she will make me go to school and not get drunk 5 nights a week.
I woke up Monday morning and didn't know where the whole last week of my life went.. That's when I knew shit wasn't okay. Went to Wisconsin for the day, my sister makes me feel better always. Just being with her, she doesn't have to do anything.. She's me 5 years ago. She's still naiive.

Fml.

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