Just Right.

All this time I've been looking for something just right. Someone not too cold, not too hot, not too young, not too old, not too egotistical, not too shy, not too talkative, not too quiet. Someone that didn't have too many of the same friends as me, but not somone that didn't know anyone, likes the same things as me but has their own tastes as well, nice but not too nice.. The list could go on, but the point is, I've tried to settle for someone that wasn't right, I've convinced myself that someone who was all wrong for me was the best I would find... but things are looking up, and I'm starting to believe all those people that said I would find better, and I deserved better.

I trapped myself in the past for so long, I am so glad that I'm out of it and though I made a mistake by rebounding straight to Wesley, I feel like that sort of needed to happen. I needed to have somone that I didn't care about to fill the void before I would be able to let myself care about someone again. I'm terrifed and happy at the same time. I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want to let myself fall, I wasn't going to because I know I should have time on my own.. but you can't control timing. I can't just not let myself fall because it's not the right time, their might never be a right time, it could pass me by. I've hung out with Jordan for a week straight, I've come to the conclusion the absolute best way to get to know someone is to hang out with them and their best friend for a week. Think about it, on dates it's awkward and you feel pressured to talk about the right thing and blah blah I usually end up not acting like myself just because it's so awkward. People aren't fake in front of their best friend, and if I can let someone stay with me for a week and then wish they were still here when they leave, well that's a great thing. I get sick of people before they can even finish saying their name. So fuck it, I'm jumping because it feels "just right."

I'm going to try hard to start updating this regularly again. I lost touch for a hot minute.